Picture 1: Part of scene that he almost realized it was all being set up.

The Truman Show is a Science Fiction Comedy Film played by Jim Carrey. He's an ordinary insurance salesman who finally feels strange with everything around him. He observed the surroundings and find out that he's being set up in a loop, the things happen over and over again like a set in a movie. His entire life is a Tv Show and all the people around him are just actors. He decides to escape and sailing out of the city.

Imagine we're all living in The Truman Show, let's try to contemplate it. We all live in a simulation, nothing is real. We're being watched by a man named God who controls our every movement.

They talked about Fate. They Said our life is beyond our control, everything that will happen was written long before we were all born. It's called Determinism, when all the event occurs without our permission and it's usually inevitable. But where were we before we were conceived? Some religion believes there's Pre-Existence phase, The beforelife is a belief that each individual human soul existed before mortal conception and at some point before birth enters or is placed into the body. That's when God wrote every single detail about your life, even your death.

Ironically, if we can't pursue our dreams no matter how hard we tried, they said God has another plan for you. But have you ever think it's because God does not predestine you to be who you want to be. This Destiny/Fate/Determinism concept somehow confused me, so no matter how hard we try to change our lives we will still end up the same? The question is, are we the ones who responsible for making decisions? Or we're just live the way it's written down? Nobody actually knows.

Notes: This post inspired by "too many things to mull over in a room during quarantine days".

The title of this post is quoting from Judith Hanson Lasater, she's an american yoga instructor and also a writer. I read this quotes somewhere in Refinery29 page, and it really hit me.

You know when they said Life begins at the end of your comfort zones is totally true, you won't upgrade your level until you get your ass out and make something happen. I've been complaining and wrote a lot of rants about how my life stuck in a second gear, how I hate my job, how I haven't achieved anything at this age. Ironically, I did nothing to change that situation either. I am a whiny woman without a single act. Tiny Whiny Dita, she think by whining she can change everything.

At the end of november, my friend (who has been obssessed with Japan) asked me to come with her to a NIN2 Japanese Companies Job Fair at Ritz Carlton Kuningan. I agreed, we made a reservation to get a barcode a week before the event. Plot twist, It was raining on that day, I wanted to cancel my appointment because I was a lazybones. But my friend still persuaded me "Come on, it's a great opportunity unless you want to stay on your job for 10 years then I couldn't say anything.." lol those words slapped me in the face, so okay why the hell not. Without any expectation, I spread my cover letter plus resume sheet to several companies. Because you know how desperate I was.

After two weeks, I was contacted by a recruiter from a company that I've been submit my application to. They called me for an interview, I was really apprehensive at first but it went really well at the end. I really want this job even more after I did some digging about the company profile which really assuring because it is the largest retail in Asia. But I don't want to put my hopes up too high. So I kept telling myself "Okay, you have pass the interview and now let God do the rest..."

Not long enough to wait though, a great thing did happen afterwards, a recruiter called me to inform that I got the job, we talked about salary negotiation and they offer me a good package employment deal including all the benefits. Therefore, without a second thought, I took it. I finally nailed it!! The process is really fast, It took only one week square away. I still can't believe till now. One thing that I can't hardly wait was to quit my current job at the end of December. I feel so effing relieved, so happy, so sad at the same time. I mean this is what I really want, but I have to leave all of  this  routine that I have lived in for these past two years and almost a half. But what I learned from this year is if I change nothing in my life, then nothing will changes. I need to step out of my comfort zone, because that's when the magic happens.

Could you imagine what would happen if I let myself fell asleep or napping in my room instead of came to job fair that day? Just because it was raining for crying out loud I almost losing such a great opportunity. Thanks to my friend, who was being very supportive. I wouldn't be able to get this chance without her, I owe her one. So guys, lesson learned; Do not miss the boat.

The time has finally come, I told my boss that I quit the job. You should see the look on his face, he was a bit surprised and freeze for a second, it seems like he refused to believe. He lectured me and tried to make me scared about the real work-life that he was pretty sure I wouldn't survive. He tried to hold me back with his persuasive speech by offer me a raise. However I told him this is my final decision and I know exactly what he was trying to say, but I chose to take and embrace a new challenge, leading in this field where I actually wasn't very experienced instead of stay in a safe role. Certainly, you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. No job is without risk, but the new challenge represent an opportunity for growth.

Well apparently this new year, I'm gonna have a whole new adventure; The revival for myself. New job, new friends, new environment. I hope everything will going smoothly as I wish, I hope I know what's going on in my life in this late 20's. Because I've spent a lot of fun these past three years but now I have to put myself together, get something out of my system and let's facing the real adulthood life. Stop messing around with all the mundaneness, because the time is over.

Anyway, Happy new year y'all!


Notes: I have been blogging this since third week of december, but now I'm forcing myself to finish this post. I'm lack of productivity lately. 

Social media brings a lot of benefits in this current era, it connect us to the wide and larger networking conveniently as easy as that without a single effort. Whether we realize it or not, Instagram is our daily consume to build a good connection or to start the business itself and has become part of our lives every now and then. But despite all the good impact, depending on social media make us feel insecure, upset, cynical, anxious, or even frustrated. You always want to know what's happening on people's lives, you start comparing yourself with them, feel daunted by their opinions, questioning the veracity of yourselves, you will never be enough and discontented. Even more it demands us  to keep on updating what is happening in our lives. As if we have an obligation to show and share it online to the world. I felt like my value as a human being had been tied to the numbers of how many likes or comment or response through DM could I get whenever I posted something. Someone ever said though, If people can't see our happiness, then it doesn't exist.

As my screen-time weekly report says , I spent a quarter of my time (six hours eighteen minutes) per day on my phone. Social media leads in the first place especially Instagram, no doubt. I've spent almost fourteen hours per week!! MY GOD... this isn't healthy. It is the time for a break.

So I made a decision to take Instagram-Detox for 20 days to rejuvenate my mind from negative vibes online. Deleting Instagram app to stop me opened my phone and automatically went straight to the app. I want to feel alive again by reading some of my books, catching up with my friends by having a real conversation vis-à-vis not solely commented on their photo or video post, spend more time outside and doing some other things that have been forgotten after internet ruined everything. So this is what it feels like living without instagram for twenty days...

Okay as I woke up this morning, I grabbed my phone and I don't know what to do (since, Instagram has always be the first one that I encounter for my morning ritual). I usually scrolling through my feed and checking notifications for 10 minutes before showering. But this time, I had enough time to make a hot tea and reading 3 pages of The Accidental Further Adventures of the Hundred-Year-Old Man by Jonas Jonasson with From Nowhere by Dan Croll as a back sound (not related, but I find it really relaxing and it gave me the perky-feeling bit by bit). I realized how much time can be wasted in social media without even we know it, we can be more productive than that.

I refused to go to my place after working hours and spend more time outside with colleagues. We went to the movies at Pacific Place right after having evening meal. I chose Bohemian Rhapsody but my colleague wanted to watch The Nutcracker, and the other one wanted to watch Bad Times at The El Royale. Long story short after an indecisive discussion and several convincing speech, we finally ended up with his choice... (Well actually, I insisted them to watch Bohemian but only three front seats are available, so I lose). The movie was good, I had fun without even bother to take a picture of our tickets, our meal, and a bucket of our popcorn.


Week 2:

Normally, we're having lunch together with a small chit-chat on the table, because we were too busy getting distracted by the phone. But lately I had lunch with a colleague, I didn't even touch my phone and during lunch we had a fun conversation about movies and books like usual, revealed each other playlist's on his spotify and my itunes (D'uh, I'm such a sucker when it comes to music though), our personal grumble (love-life, feeling so anxious about future and others personal topic which I cannot leak it here, he will get angry with me as well) 😂 

I wanna tell you one thing what I did when I get home during this Instagram-detox, but this one is kinda embarrassing lol please don't judge me or hold your judgement and let me explain why. When I was a kid (around 7-9 yo even until now), I was really bad in Bahasa-Subject especially Metaphor/Proverb/Phrase. It was so hard for me to understand the meaning behind one sentence of the phrase. So I took some time to learn this. HAHAHA. It seems like nothing but to learn is always something, right? Better late than never~

Week 3: 

I wanted to do something that I really loved but I haven't done in a long time, make a journal. I can still vaguely recall my hidden talent that has been unused. The last time I had a journal was 2 years ago in my last semester of college. To be honest, diary/journal is really my thing since I was 9. It's one of my cup of tea, I have my own pleasure for designing, writing and coloring manually in a paper. I bought a couple new marker, colored pencils, and crayons. Find several pictures to print and stick it to the book. That was so fun.

Well of course the list goes on, there's always something to do this past three weeks if you're up for it. The result quite surprised me, I've gone through 20 days without Instagram, and what was even more surprising was, I had fun. It felt so good to find something more productive to do instead of staring in my 5 inch screen and feel the time is ticking way too fast unconsciously. The most important thing to remember is, people are not entitled of your life. You don't need a recognition from them, you don't need to show it to the world that you have bought expensive meal or fancy shoes last night, you had fun with your friends at club, or you had a great relationship with your partner. They don't need to know about everything that has happened in your life. Because, that's only Social Media, a platform where people only show what they want you to see. Let's enjoy real life instead of worrying about social media. Well, the ball is in your court, stop giving someone the benefit of doubt. Live your real-life to the fullest!

Note: 

Last saturday, I was lying in my bed while scrolled through my Instagram timeline. And I saw Anne Hathaway posted a photo with a caption:

I really can relate with her caption. Apparently this month, October, which is my favorite month of the year, a lot of excitement has happened. From week to week, I got excited over something either movies or special event, and then the next week new things will excite me I barely remember what happened last week. What kind of experiences within this month? Here we go...

Music Festival: Synchronized Fest

Leisure Sport: Bowling

Good Movies: First Man, A Star Is Born

I got really excited, a dose of Ryan gosling and Bradley Cooper these past two weeks.

First of all, First man was a wonderful surprise. When I saw the trailer, I didn't expect much of this movie but it turns out very breathtaking and dazzling at the same time. Hell of an emotional and tension journey in the most unexpected way. It will changes the way we see Neil Armstrong, because I believe there's always a wonderful story behind a great man. Well, that's one small step for a man one giant leap for mankind. Clearly, this is gonna be the best movie I've watched this year.

Second of All, overwhelmed by love and tears with A Star is Born. It was so devastating, heart-wrenching and emotional wreck in a good way. Behind his dark childhood memories, his drinking and drug addiction, the depression he felt when his career was ruined, he was just a man who loved his wife so much that he took his own life to save Ally's career. The last scene of Ally sing "I'll never love again" is the most saddest part. Don't wanna feel another touch, Don't wanna give my heart away to another stranger~

Birthday: 27th

Picture: Friends S10E18 "The Last One Part 1"

When someone bring "Friends" as a topic, Does Chandler Monica Joey Ross Rachel and Phoebe pop into your mind? Or is it just me? Anyway, who doesn't love this tv shows? But I'm not gonna ramble on about them here even though you can ask me anything about this tv shows and I can easily answer which-season and what-episode you wanna hear (I watched the whole seasons five timessss for god's sake yes five times maybe i'm getting obsessed but to hell with it..)

Some people claim themselves have a lot of friends solely because they wants to get acknowledgement in their circle, despite the fact they don't have an intense relation with them, Some might only maintains relation in a small circles but its closeness can't be doubted. Admit it, when we were in school, lacking in popularity inevitably leads to miserable life. You won't get invited to the most popular kid's birthday party, the seniors won't recognize you, bullied by obnoxious brat at school, and then tadaaaa you're become the invisible kid for an instance. But now... I don't think it's necessary anymore. When you're at the top, everyone wants to be your friend. Have you see whose stand with you at your lowest point?

You'd be surprised to know that there are six kind of friends in our lives (Or you already know please act like you didn't and I will be the smartypants here for the sake of my post...)

When you're on the train, a stranger beside you starts a small talk on the book that you read. And suddenly you have a good conversation with them about whatsoever. But after you get to each other's destination, you won't see them again and you won't talk to them again. Another cases, when you're at smoking area in your office, you borrow a lighter from stranger and then you two talk to each other while enjoying your cigarette. After that, you won't see them again and you won't talk to them again. It's a Friend by situation.

• Friend by History

Real friend is someone who knows you well but won't judge you, who will never talk bad behind you, who stands with you immensely no matter what people say. You don't need to talk to each other everyday and every night to prove that you're best friend. You may argue, had some disagreements and fight. But it doesn't mean that you hate each other, you just genuinely care a lot. They will called you with harsh-name and mocking you. They will tell you a bitter truth that stab right in your face but also encourage you at the same time. "Stop calling him, He's not that into you" , "Cut it off, He doesn't deserve you!". Because mate, after all, the greatest truths are usually the most unpleasant to hear. And you need that real friend, a blunt jerk yet honest friend, to tell you that.

I once read an article about Human Bonding that says people future's health, mental and physical, is affected by the kind of care they receive. And people can only last three months without human contact before they become completely insane. Pretty serious, huh? Friend have an important role in our lives though some people come and go, and that's normal. We had a destiny to crossed each other path, but we will continue our lives separated at the end.

Picture: Sam (Moonrise Kingdom)

I feel like I merely had my sweet-seventeen celebration yesterday, when my bestfriends came to my house with my highschool-sweetheart to gave me some surprise and brought a basic-birthday cheesecake with ONE and SEVEN candle on the top with a giant teddy bear and a bouquet of roses which make me wants to puke... (A glimpse of reminiscing)

aaand then tadaaaaa! Ten years has passed... *literally sniffling*

Surprise tradition would be the same, blow a candles on a birthday cake with close friends, a birthday-song from office mates on a co-space, bla bla bla, but thank God my boyf won't bring me a bouquet of roses and a giant teddy bear looollll

I trudged my days through an adulthood, knowing that it will never be the same like those adolescence ol'days. It is too horrifying to contemplate about growing old, because whether you realize it or not, greater age brings greater responsibility. Talk about responsibility, something that I really afraid of. I was born as a last child in my family, they treated me like I was a Kid no matter how old I am. My dad will always dropped me off and picked me up at school. My mom will always took care of my uniform, my shoes, our breakfast through dinner. And my sister will always told me who to date, who can be my friends, what is bad and good for me. That simply because they all think I am just a Kid who barely can't do or decide anything properly with my own self. I used to live like that.

But now, I have to choose to living far away from them. The only thing on my mind was "How am I supposed to live without any directions and help from them?" My mom become paranoid at first and she won't let me go eventhough I tried so hard to convinced her. As stubborn as I am, I won't go anywhere without my mom's consent. She still called me everyday just to ask "Wake up yet? What did you eat? Don't forget to Pray" etc. But guys, living far from parents has gave me some lesson. I realized we can't rely on anything to anybody. At the end of the day, we HAVE TO do it by ourselves. We only have ourselves. We're the one who determine our future.

As I grew older, I became more selective to choose people who I'd rather hang out with. Ever heard about "Choose your friends wisely" because friends influence your life. Hanging out with a positive person can lift up your mood and vice versa, spending time with a negative person can drain you of joy. Having a thousand acquaintances feel wasted nowadays. I still can handle casual chit-chat "What've you been up to lately?" But I can only give a hasty explanation if they choose to ask further. I don't want small talk, fake laughing, bits and bobs of gossiping around. I wanna have a deep-long conversation radiating a good vibes till I forget the time that I spend. I get rid of some of my friends by not hangout with them anymore. Anytime they wanna meet, I make an excuse like "Sorry, I can't. Been busy with works lately" or "I have another appointment, sorry." Heck, that make me sounds like a bitch, in fact this tiny speck of dust try not to waste any precious time with them and feeling uncomfortable instead. It's not about quantity, it's quality what matters the most.

Currently, I feel fed up with my routine (or with my job?) I'm not sure. I feel like I didn't gain anything at this age, I didn't acquire any achievement until now. I had a good position right now in office. All I do is controlling people below me, making a report and contributes with some project, bla bla bla. But I don't like who am I working for (The company's system is obscure). There is a tendency that lead to something bad might happen soon if I choose to stay here a bit longer. Beside, this isn't something that I wanna do for my whole life. Meanwhile, witnessing my friends had a great job with splendid salary, getting married with their true love, taking vacation to greece-norway-iceland, having kids, and live happily ever after. We're living in Indonesia where people measure maturity through marriage and casually accused others as an immature slash unsuccessful slash wholly inadequate person if we're not get married yet. And here I am, stuck with a shitty job and fear of marriage still haunting me. I know I know, peer pressures is stupid, right? Some might say "Don't ever compare yourself with others, there is no comparison between sun and moon. They shine when it's their time".

At this stages, I encounter the intersection between "I should do something with my life" or "I should make money" is quite confusing. Part of me wanna do something that I care about which won't give a great income, or I'm gonna stuck here, continue the routine moderately, setting my fake effing laugh and then swearing at home (which is kinda frustating) and instantly produce some of good money. I am struggling with the balance of What I want and What I need. Probably the latter,  Do not settle for less if you deserve more, right? 

Three things why I got too excited when it comes to Birthday:

First, Everybody remember you!

You wake up in the morning with bunch of notifications on your phone, they pray for you, they send you a lot of sweet wishes. Relishing the loving notes from family and friends. Everybody loves you. We secretly feel so special in this moment.

Second, Surronded by the people you loved.

It prompts us to get together with our family, friends, and also your loved one.

Third, Handwritten wishes and a gift is a bonus.

Don't you love it when someone care enough to spend a little time just to think what kind of a gift that you're gonna love, what kind of things that they should write on your birthday-greeting card? They spend a little time just to make you happy.

This year is a bless.